His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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