I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
