Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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