pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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