No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
