Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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