Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
