I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
