Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
