just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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