I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
