Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
