i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
