I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
