dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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