i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
