Umm I'm too high to move.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
