Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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