I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
