I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
