i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize