That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
