that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
