I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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