I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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