if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
