I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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