Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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