Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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