We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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