she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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