i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
