I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
