I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
