white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
