It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
