I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
