Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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