we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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