walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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