I cannot find my penis.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
