we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Randomize
