okay pat passed out under dana's car
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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