New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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