I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
