i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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