I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
