I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
