Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
