I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
