he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
