Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
