i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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