Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
