I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
