Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
