So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize