you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
