my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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