I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
