No awkward lesbian experiences without me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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