I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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