Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
