Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
