I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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