also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize