I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
