so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
