I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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