I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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