she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
