Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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