Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
