I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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