In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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