My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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