Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
