I'm really into asian looking animals
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
