My liver just broke up with me...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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