I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
