I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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