I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
