so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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