guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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