every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
